Is your boss manipulating you?

The relationship with your supervisor is one of the most important factors affecting your well-being at work. While most bosses strive to build healthy professional relationships, some use manipulative techniques to achieve their goals at the expense of their employees’ well-being. Recognizing these behaviors is not always easy—manipulation often takes subtle forms that can be difficult to identify.

Manipulation in the workplace is the conscious use of power and position to influence employees in ways that primarily serve the interests of the superior, often at the expense of the autonomy, confidence or well-being of subordinates. Not all persuasion or influence is manipulation – the difference lies in intent and methods.

The most common manipulation techniques used by bosses

1. Professional gaslighting

This is one of the most damaging forms of manipulation, involving challenging an employee’s perception of reality. The boss may deny previous arrangements, claim that the conversations did not take place, or suggest that the employee “misunderstood” clear instructions.

Examples:

  • “I never said that.”
  • “I think you may have misheard.”
  • “That’s not how it was meant to be understood.”

2. Emotional blackmail

Using guilt, fear or loyalty to achieve goals. The boss may suggest that refusal to perform additional tasks means lack of commitment or “leaving the team.”

Examples:

  • “I thought I could count on you.”
  • “Other employees don’t have overtime problems.”
  • “It’s for the good of the company/team.”

3. Unrealistic expectations and constant shifting of goals

Setting tasks that are impossible to complete in a given amount of time or changing requirements after they have been met, leading to frustration and a sense of inadequacy in the employee.

4. Information isolation

Deliberately withholding important information needed to do the job or make decisions, and then criticizing for mistakes due to the lack of this information.

5. Rewards and punishments as a control tool

Unpredictable use of praise and criticism, which creates an atmosphere of uncertainty and dependence on the supervisor’s opinion.

How to check if you are being manipulated?

Self-assessment test – ask yourself questions:

Concerning communication:

  • Do you feel lost after conversations with your boss?
  • Do you often doubt your recollection of service arrangements?
  • Does the boss often change the version of previous arrangements?

Concerning emotions at work:

  • Do you experience anxiety about meetings with your supervisor?
  • Do you feel like you’re not doing anything well enough?
  • Do you feel guilty for refusing to perform tasks outside the scope of your duties?

Concerning professional boundaries:

  • Do you regularly work overtime without additional compensation?
  • Does your boss contact you outside of work hours on non-urgent matters?
  • Do you feel pressure to be available 24/7?

Concerning professional development:

  • Do you receive constructive criticism or mostly negative?
  • Do you have clear goals and evaluation criteria?
  • Are your successes appreciated and communicated appropriately?

Practical verification methods:

  1. Keep records – record important findings, decisions and conversations
  2. Seek witnesses – if possible, hold important conversations in the presence of others
  3. Compare with others – discreetly see if other employees have similar experiences
  4. Trust your intuition – if something doesn’t seem right to you, it probably is

How to defend yourself?

Short-term strategies:

  • Set clear professional boundaries and follow them consistently
  • Document all important interactions
  • Seek support from trusted colleagues or mentors
  • Don’t isolate yourself – keep in touch with other team members

Long-term strategies:

  • Consider talking to your HR department, if there is one
  • Seek support from a psychologist or career coach
  • Develop your skills and professional independence
  • In extreme cases, consider changing jobs

Summary

Manipulation in the workplace is a serious problem that can significantly affect our mental health and professional development. The key to protecting ourselves is to be aware of our own boundaries, to be able to recognize inappropriate behavior and to have the courage to confront it.

Remember that a healthy relationship with your supervisor should be based on mutual respect, clear communication and support for your professional development. If you are experiencing chronic stress, anxiety or a sense of powerlessness in your relationship with your boss, it could be a sign that you are dealing with manipulation.

You are not condemned to tolerate toxic behavior at work. You are entitled to respect, clear expectations and a work environment that supports your growth, not hinders it.

If you are looking for development check out our training courses and choose something for yourself!

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Sources

  1. Namie, G., & Namie, R. (2009). The Bully at Work: What You Can Do to Stop the Hurt and Reclaim Your Dignity. Sourcebooks.
  2. Simon, G. K. (2010). In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. Parkhurst Brothers Publishers.
  3. Lutgen-Sandvik, P., Tracy, S. J., & Alberts, J. K. (2007). Burned by bullying in the American workplace: Prevalence, perception, degree and impact. Journal of Management Studies, 44(6), 837-862.
  4. Hocker, J. L., & Wilmot, W. W. (2017). Interpersonal Conflict. McGraw-Hill Education.
  5. American Psychological Association (2021). Workplace stress and mental health resources. APA Work and Well-Being Survey.
  6. Workplace Bullying Institute (2021). 2021 WBI U.S. Workplace Bullying Survey.